I think I'm becoming more paranoid than I used to be. Of people. I'll be walking down the street, or standing in a crowded elevator, or see some guys in a car looking at me, and I instantly become hyper aware of where they are and what they're doing and what my options are. I make sure my valuables aren't exposed, that my arms are free. I check that there are people around, that I would have some where to run to. I don't linger. Honestly, I'm starting to feel like Jason Bourne.
It's really not that I don't trust people. I like people. I'm not really afraid that something is going to happen. I'm just very aware that it could happen, and I'm vigilante so that it doesn't. It's a little over the top though. I'm instantly suspicious of any stranger who tries to engage me in conversation, and if you're trying to extract money--whoa.
I'm not really sure where the paranoia's coming from though. It could be the school project on rape awareness, or the fact that everyone keeps warning me about pickpockets, and telling me not to go out at night. Or all the reading and stories about nasty suspicious people that make me realize that life is actually fragile and anyone who wanted to do something horrible to you really wouldn't have much trouble, despite all of the precautions and such that we attempt to take.
Well, I'm no Sherlock Holmes for perception, but at least I still have my wallet.
1 comment:
I used to go through phases of paranoia. Sometimes they were rather lengthy. I recall a month in which each morning's walk to school was consumed by my paranoia for those moving past me. It was terrible. I would become so anxious I would begin to sweat, completely psych myself out. Hasn't happened in a while.
Post a Comment