Living with 39 other girls is a fascinating. One of the most intriguing things to me has been the number of girls who actually seem to be averse to the company of boys. Of course, there's bound to be some pro-feminist type stuff when you get that many girls together in an environment that essentionally precludes the occurence of eligible men in daily life. The other day we went to a dance, and a number of the girls were saying that they didn't like to dance with boys, and in fact, would purposely contrive to be elsewhere whenever a slow song came on. I just naturally assumed that all girls were as boy crazy as me. I guess we want what we don't have.
Imagine my amusement then, to see their reaction when confronted with an actual, real-life man. A friend and I had gone for a walk on Saturday to an open market, and then to a museum, and when he dropped me off afterwards he stepped in for a minute. No sooner had the door shut and I turned around, then I was swarmed by the girls who had formerly been so indifferent to the existence of young men. Who was that? He's cute! Oooh, a date a date! You're going to marry him! Is he British? What happened? Tell us the story! Well, so much for their strong feminine indifference. I had a very hard time trying to convince them that, in fact, it was not a date, we were just friends, it's perfectly normal to have friends who are guys, and the only story I could tell them was that we'd gone for a walk. Apparently, for all our talk, deep down, we're all boy crazy.
Boys have always been an interesting point for me. Like most young, single girls, I'm attracted to guys, and dream about dating and relationships. I'm on the lookout for my Mr. Darcy, Henry Tilney, Edward, Romeo, Prince Charming, whoever. My perfect man. Unfortunately for me, I'm not only missing my perfect man, I'm missing any man. I don't currently have a boyfriend, and could arguably never had a boyfriend (frankly, I don't think less than 48 hours really count). I go on occasional dates, and have had a few guys who seemed interested, but I never returned the interest, and I don't think it's fair to lead a guy on. I take all relationships seriously, romantic ones especially so. And if I don't really like someone, I don't even consider dating them. Perhaps I'm just being unrealistic and too picky, but I don't really think so. I think I just haven't the right person. It doesn't help that the guys I like never return my interest either. So I'm left imagining what such a thing would be like, and hoping for a better tomorrow.
Sometimes I think that, actually, it might be nice not to marry. I would have a lot more freedom, and there's so much I'd like to do. It's hard to give up your freedom and independence, to willingly submit to being one half of a whole, and having to consider another set of wants and needs that may differ from your own. Not to mention the responsibility of caring for a family. Familial responsibilities have curttailed the aspirations of many a brilliant and ambitious woman. Then I remember how miserably lonely I'd likely be. I'm sure it will all work out someday.
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I know you always say that you're boy crazy, but you hardly ever show it, so it always catches me off guard. And your last paragraph sounds really depressing about marriage and family life. Maybe there are a lot of things you can't do when you're married, but there are so many things you can do when you're married, too. That's what I'm looking forward to. Someday. If not, we can be roommates forever if we never get married and watch movies like Pride and Prejudice and Twilight over and over again!
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