Tense Disaster

A little bit different today.

I called my mom today on the way back to my apartment. My sister answered the phone. We exchanged pleasantries, then she asked, “so are you so excited?”

I paused for a moment, trying to place her question. My brother. My brother was coming home. “When does his flight land?"

“Right now, we're right around the corner from the airport. If all these cars would just MOVE. I figured you couldn't stand it, and that's why you were calling.”

“Actually, I'm just walking home from school. I forgot his flight came in now.”

She laughed. “Riiiiight. Come on, you're excited.”

“Well yeah, sure I'm excited. But I don't get to see him for another week. So it's not quite as big a deal.”

Her tone told me she was quite convinced I was practically leaping for joy, but pretending to play it cool. Alright, her tone seemed to say, I know what's really up, but I'll go along. Silly psychologist mind games.

“We're all so excited over here,” she bubbles ecstatically, referring to my family. “We got a whole bunch of balloons and made a cake and we can hardly stand it.”

Typical difference between my sister and I. I'm far closer to my brother, but she's the one about to pee her pants.

“We'll have him call you in a few minutes.” She told me.

“Oh, just when he's got a minute. I know you all will want to talk to him.”

“We'll just see how long you can last.” Obviously, she didn't believe my calm.

And perhaps she shouldn't. After all, it'd been two years since I'd last seen my older brother, and we were really close. He was my best friend before he left. In those two years, I'd only gotten three phone calls, but I'd written him a letter every single week. And he was coming home today. I should be about to pee my pants.

But I'm not. It'll be another week before I get home. And until I can see him, it won't really be like he's home yet. I wasn't planning on things being much different for this last week than they'd been the last two years. I'd already decided not to look at any pictures my family might email me. I haven't seen my brother in two years, and I want the first look to be the real thing. I wasn't even all that thrilled about the phone call. Oh sure, there's a part of me that's excited, but another part almost doesn't want to. I feel a lot of pressure to make that first phone call worth it. But I don't know what to say. When I see him, that will be the moment.

A friend asked me the other day what the first thing I planned to do when I saw my brother was. I plan to scream his name and run to grab him in a hug. I'll hug him tight and spin a whole circle before I let go, maybe jump up and down a few times. I'm not really a demonstrative person, but for this, perhaps, I may make an exception.

For now, I am still waiting. And my phone comes with me everywhere.